Animal

There’s a rabbit running loose in our house. I mean it’s our rabbit, not a wild rabbit, but he’s running wild and leaving Hansel and Gretel like bunny nuggets so he knows how to get back to where he came from. That, or he just likes shitting all over the house. It’s much cuter if you think about it as the former, rather than the latter.

I had a rabbit growing up. Actually I had a total of 4, but really only one longer than a few months. I don’t like to talk about it. Anyway, my rabbits name was Sadie, and she was no bigger than my 10 –year-old palm when I got her. She was fluffy, and friendly, smart and perfect. She easily trained to go back to her cage to use the bathroom, and allowing her to be left out most of the day. I loved her for the 3 years she was mine.

Flip-flop is Reese’s rabbit. He was about the size of my (adult) hand, was incredibly fuzzy and sweet when we got him, but smart he is not. He eats odd things, like wood, curtains, and MacBook cords. He humps everything, about every 90 seconds, and most disgustingly, he poops. Everywhere.

So he’s running loose in our house, eating the kitchen table and pooping, little rabbit chips, and humping the dog and I’m pretending it’s not happening.

Did you know rabbits can live to be 10 years old? That’s 10 years of destroyed, VERY EXPENSIVE lap top power supplies, chewed up furniture, calf humps, and lots and lots of poop. Poop that I have to clean up. I just finally freed myself from changing diapers for the last 11 years, and I’m still cleaning up poop. I mean, sometimes I still have to clean up my kids poop, but that’s mostly not on a regular basis.

This was however the better alternative to getting another cat. Cats are like babies to me at this point. They are cute and all as long as they just want me to hold them, but when it comes to feeding, cleaning up after them, entertaining them, or dealing with their poop, the downsides now out way the rewards.

It’s what happens when you start getting old and have lots of kids. People have babies and cats and you don’t even care to hold or pet them. People think you’re all stuck up and that you think their baby/cat isn’t as cute as yours, and get all irritated and pissy, when really your just so over anyone’s babies at this point you’d cut your own arms off with the safety scissors you confiscated from your toddler who was cutting his hair, just to avoid the “do you want to hold him/her/it?” question.

I mean I just finally get to leave the house and only have to worry about snot and food from someone else on me, and not leaky shitty diapers and regurgitated milk products, do I really have to hold your baby and chance all those things again?

So, we procreated lots when we were young, we got past the poopy, pukey stages, and now, there’s still lots of poop everywhere. I’m adding “Fecal Management Specialist” to my resume.

 

I really should have talked Reese into a pet rock. Those things are awesome.

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