Golden Showers

We have a lot of issues with pee and poop in our house. Not like issues going or anything. No, it’s more like issues of going where your not supposed to go.

 

A couple years ago, I was doing a photo shoot for Matt’s company. Since it was just Matt and his partner wanting some non-traditional headshots, and then some hipster product shots, we took all the kids. We left earlier in the morning, while it was still cool out, and headed up to Paris, KY for it’s cool hipster run down look as a backdrop.

 

While we hauled product into all kids of weird places and I made the guys pose to look not posed, the kids ran up and down alleys played in weeds, and generally wrecked havoc on the tranquility of every area we visited. The day wore on, it got hot, and we turned back to the car to grab some lunch.

 

As we were driving, I kept noting Paris smelled like pee. I mean it was cute and all, but it really smelled like pee.

 

And then Matt noted his hands smelled like pee.

 

And they were sticky.

 

As we had gotten into the car that morning, we had both noted there was some weird, slightly tacky, film on the driver’s side of the car. We assumed it was something from the tree we parked under in our driveway.

 

Except now, the wheels in our head were turning.

 

I have pee on my hand, SOMEONE PEED ON THE CAR!

 

Who would have peed on the car?

 

I don’t know, that’s what it smells like.

 

Wait, that’s the side of the car below the boy’s window.

 

Teddy, Nate did you pee on the car, did you PEE OUT YOUR WINDOW?

 

This is the point when you’re a kid you either decide to stick together and either hope neither one of you cracks and that mom and dad give up, or lightly punish you because they don’t know who’s guilty or innocent. Or, you squeal like a pig in order to protect your self.

 

Lucky for us, our kids don’t have a lot of loyalty to each other when it comes to getting in trouble, and Teddy quickly informed us that Nate, in his laziness, had been peeing out the window because he didn’t want to walk down the stairs to use our one bathroom.

 

NATE! What is you problem! Please tell me you were only doing this at night! I hope the neighbors didn’t see you.

Teddy continues to spill the goods like a gutted fish, and apparently this act had been going on for a week or so, and wasn’t limited to the desire to walk about the house at night. It just so happened this was the first time my car had been parked far enough forward on the driveway to get hit.

 

So yes, Matt had pee on his hand. And our car was, you guessed it, covered in lazy little boy urine.

 

I’m sorry I thought it was you Paris.

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