The Post Where I Insult Everyone

I’m in the dentist office for the second time today.

Apparently I scheduled Nate’s cleaning at 9:30 this morning, and Teddy and Reese’s appointments at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Alex has had no nap.

I have broken up no less than 58704708978238 fights.

She’s breathing on me! He’s touching me! He took my thing! She looked at my stuffs!

Like, could you guys grow up and act your shoe size and not your age?Yeah, see what I did, I reversed that saying because they all wear shoe size larger than the number of their age. Yeah, I know it’s not a joke if you have to explain it, but how would you know their shoe sizes? Unless you have some sort of foot fetish and have been inspecting their shoes, or I guess if you are my sister or Matt. HI GUYS!

I’m choosing to ignore the fact that Alex is scooting across the floor on his back while playing angry birds on my phone.

He kind of resembles an angry, drunk, Yoda.

“Knock your piggy house down with my birds I will, hmmmmm.”

Teddy, who had a small filling, is recovering from being freaked out that his face will be numb forever. He’s currently smacking his face on the numb side over and over again.

I’m having visions of this:


I’m actually writing this from the office, where I sit, purgatoriously waiting on Reese. That’s not even a word, but if you’ve been to any waiting room where you have to bring kids, that word is very real to you.

Also maybe if you’re a Catholic, which I’m not, and my only real knowledge of Catholicism come from a really crappy religious course taught at the private Christian school (also really crappy) I attended in 7th grade. So it might not even be a real word then.

I’m pretty much offending everyone here aren’t I? Catholics, Drunks, and Star Wars nerds are sending me hate mail right now aren’t they? Well guess what, the jokes on you, because hate mail is more mail than I get right now.

Gahh, how much longer is this going to take? I’m starting to sweat. The boys are playing jungle in the office plants. I have to pee.

Cue the music.
Welcome to the hotel California……

Oh wait, no, someone just turned the radio on.


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