How I almost got a ticket while attempting to avoid two others

So yesterday I realized I had an entire morning to myself. The big three kids being at school, and the smallest preschool for 3 hours. I was going to go home and take a nap, but remembered my license was expired and I’d said I was going to renew it that day. Things went smoothly there, although I have to say I’m not entirely fond of the new process of renewal form completion. Instead of filling your own form out, you stand in line, then when it’s your turn the clerk behind the desk (who had a nasty wet cough that made me want to bolt for the door might I add) asks you each question and you answer, out loud. No big deal, it’s all “Are you an ilegal alien?” or “Do you have a disability that prevents you from operating a motor vehicle?” Simple yes no answers, mostly ridiculous because they are either obvious or would have been impossible changes from when I renewed my license 4 years ago.

So I answer, and then the clerk says “How tall are you?”-“5’6” and of course the question that follows, “How much do you weigh?” Firstly, I don’t actually know the answer to that. I don’t own a scale, and it’s been 6 months since I’ve been to the doctor and I’ve lost a bit of a weight since then, or at least changed clothing sizes and get comments to that extent, I have no way of know if I lost weight or if the last time someone saw me I was just really bloated and not the next time they saw me, although the consistant downward movement of the size number on my pants leads me to believe it’s not just bloat.

But secondly, and most importantly, why should I have to answer the question out loud, in front of everyone else in line and the clerk taking my info? I mean, I’m pretty sure I could just circle the three yes or no’s on the form and fill the numbers of my height and weight in on my own, thus negating the need for any interaction. Still I mumbled something along the lines of “155, I think.” Then I realized I could have told him anything and he had to put it in, just like I would have had it been a form. But that human interaction short circuits my ability to fudge the number and I become all honest and crap and now my license will say I weight “155, I think” for the next 4 years.”

Everything after went as usual, I got the typical bad drivers licenses picture and then was out of there. Things went fairly fast though, so I thought I’d go renew the cars registrations, which were expired by 7 months. Last year I got a ticket for the same thing in a car that was not in my name, which required me to show up for a crack of dawn court time, and then I was told I could be facing 10 days in jail and $1000 fine. Luckily I cried, said I was sorry and had no way to register the car because my name was not on the title, and they let me off the hook. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be so lucky a second time, and have been driving around having panic attacks every time I saw a car that resembled law enforcement.

So down town I went, finding out the city parking garage is closed due to collapsing walls or something like that and then getting all turned around parking in another garage, in which I hit a wall. Now, give Matt so much crap for all the things he runs into and the scratches he put all over my car (hello, how to you not realize your dragging the side of the car down a fence line, TWICE?), so I decided just to pretend that nothing happened and continue getting new plate stickers. That went smoothly and I made it back to the car with out incident, however upon leaving the garage, I managed to drive down the wrong way on to not just one, but two one way streets.

The first street, I turned on used to be a 2 way and the sign designating it is now a one way is on the wrong side of the road.  However, pedestrians were quick to began yelling at me, standing in my way and in generally acting like this has never happened before. So I started freaking out and looking for a way to rectify the situation. The answer came in the form of a parking lot I could turn into and do a turn about. However it wasn’t until after I had turned in that I realized once again I was the wrong way in a one way, and now there was a police officer next to me.

He immediately started in on me and put his car in park to get out. I quickly explained what happened, that I very flustered at this point because I never drive downtown, much less on alleyways, and that I was just doing a turn about to try to rectify my mistake. He took pity on me and decided to drive on and leave my in my pit of confusion, driving the correct way (finally!) down the street.


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